Boundaries
Wednesday, April 17, 2013 at 8:38AM Boundaries have been a focus for me lately-setting them, examining them, and looking at old ones to see if they are still working. Boundaries are sooooo important for taking care of yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally. Some people have no boundaries, and you can always see that in the way they interact with others-those are the people that want to 'fix' everyone, always say yes, try to control all situations, becoming so toxic that they effect all around them in a non beneficial manner.
At one time or another, all of us have had no boundaries at all, have had to build boundaries, or were boundary bashers. In my experience, it is vital to my existence to have boundaries and examine them frequently in order to sustain my personal growth. It is difficult, and can be frightening to set boundaries-some may think you are angry or aggressive, which is not the case-it is just that they do not like your boundary and must get used to it! In setting a boundary, it is crucial to do it out of love for yourself, and what can be done by your boundary to make a positive effect on your life. Prayer and meditation helps, in that you are not seeking a solution out of desperation or fear, but out of love and spirit. The following are not my words, but from good ole Wikipedia-this explanation of boundaries resonates highly with me. I hope it does with you too ♥ Jess
'Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him or herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits. They are built out of a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning.
Personal boundaries define you as an individual, outlining your likes and dislikes, and setting the distances you allow others to approach. They include physical, mental, psychological and spiritual boundaries, involving beliefs, emotions, intuitions and self-esteem. Jacques Lacan considered them to be layered in a hierarchy, reflecting “all the successive envelopes of the biological and social status of the person” from the most primitive to the most advanced. Personal boundaries operate in two directions, affecting both the incoming and outgoing interactions between people.
According to Nina Brown,there are four main types of psychological boundary:
Soft - A person with soft boundaries merges with other people's boundaries. Someone with a soft boundary is easily manipulated.
Spongy - A person with spongy boundaries is like a combination of having soft and rigid boundaries. They permit less emotional contagion than soft boundaries but more than rigid. People with spongy boundaries are unsure of what to let in and what to keep out.
Rigid - A person with rigid boundaries is closed or walled off so nobody can get close to him/her either physically or emotionally. This is often the case if someone has been physically, emotionally, psychologically or sexually abused. Rigid boundaries can be selective which depend on time, place or circumstances and are usually based on a bad previous experience in a similar situation.
Flexible - Similar to selective rigid boundaries but the person has more control. The person decides what to let in and what to keep out, is resistant to emotional contagion and manipulation, and is difficult to exploit.'
